Ebb and Flow

Ebb and flow seems to be a good description of my life as a fangirl. There are times when I’m exuberant. Times I not only want, but seem to need the shared experience with other fans–the reassurance that although the journey is different for each of us, we’re all in the same boat. Not to mention the joint enthusiasm when new photos, interviews and such are released.  Then there are times that I’m more withdrawn. I still look with pleasure and watch with rapture but the desire to share the experience is low or even non-existent. I simply have nothing to say or contribute to the conversation and all of my enjoyment is this internalized thing and there just aren’t any words.

In case you can’t tell by the lack of posts here of late, I’m feeling rather withdrawn. But I did make a new wallpaper today with the most recent Robert Ascroft photo and I thought I would share:


Hopefully I’ll be back to my more lively, engaged self soon. But it the meantime, I hope y’all enjoy the wallpaper.

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27 thoughts on “Ebb and Flow

  1. Very much! Hope to “see” you soon 🙂

    • I’m sure I’ll be back to my usual self soon. Maybe a weekend floating around a lazy river will help! 😉

  2. Leigh

    Gorgeous wallpaper! I think we all experience ebb and flow. We’re still here, glad to hear from you when you want to share.

    • Thanks, Leigh. I think your right about us all experiencing ebb and flow. It’s just frustrating when you want to say something but you can’t seem to formulate what it is, at least for me.

  3. It’s nice to see Richard in the spotlight! 😉 Very nicely done, Jas! It’s okay to feel withdrawn on occasion – you know we’re here whenever you are ready to come out and play. *hugs*

    • Richard should always be in the spotlight, Itsy! 😉 I need to get to a point where I feel comfortable with feeling withdrawn as opposed to feeling like there is something wrong with it. *hugs back*

  4. Teuchter

    I too have experienced that now and then. It’s not that I lose interest in *him* but somehow don’t have the same urge to comment on blogs and such. Happily it doesn’t seem to last very long! 😀 I love the wallpaper though! Already snaffled! 😉 Looking forward to hearing from you soon.

    • I’m so glad you like the wallpaper, Teuchter! It’s the same for me, the interest in Richard never seems to wane, just the desire/ability to share it with others.

  5. I go through ebb and flow too. I would even say that my enthusiasm has waned quite a bit when I compare it to a year ago when I first discovered RA via watching North & South. I was more like an obsessed and love sick gal a year ago. Richard still excites me, but I am now more “settled” and no longer in the obsessed stage. Like Teuchter I don’t feel the urge to comment on so many of the blogs about Richard like I used to. There are just too many to keep up with and I was neglecting other areas of my life. I do have other passions besides admiring RA..

    It is fun though when a new picture of RA comes out and my excitement level gets turned up again, but it does settle back down after a few days.

    • I think you are on to something with the comment about there being too many blogs to keep up with. I LOVE that there are so many of us now, and I really enjoy getting to know more fans. At the same time, I just don’t have time to keep up with everything or I’d seriously be neglecting my RL in unjustifiable ways.

  6. Missing you but understand the need to be “alone with your Richardy thoughts” I get like that sometimes. I think its good to have a bit of time out from it all too – it can get overwhelming and exhausting! And, as a side note, HOW AWESOME IS THAT WALLPAPER!!? Hugs to you mate and take your time xxx

    • It’s nice to hear I’m not the only one who gets this way sometimes. Even in my more withdrawn phase I’ve been enjoying your posts, although I think it was me in the barrel with Thorin! 😉 So glad you like the wallpaper. It’s one of my favorite ones I’ve made. 🙂 Hugs to you too.

  7. i think the ebb & flow is natural. it doesn’t necessarily mean any kind of wane in feelings, just the intense obsession part of things. also, sometimes I just want to keep how I feel to myself for awhile, savor it a bit before I give it away. there are times when I need to connect with people and let my voice be heard, but then other times I just need to be by myself and lurk 😉

    • I think it’s natural as well. For me I think part of the issue is that I was a lurker for so long, that I feel like I’m reverting to that when I feel withdrawn. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but I normally enjoy connecting with others and it’s strange not to desire that so much.

  8. Gorgeous wallpaper, Jas! (That’s now gracing my desktop. 😉 ) Thanks for sharing.
    Ebb and flow is part of the natural stream of things, sweetie. That rhythm is what keeps things moving. Things need to slow down to gather energy for the next flow.

    We’re here, ready when you are. For, well, whatever … *naughty wink*

    • Ah, thanks Zan. I’m glad you like it enough to put it on your desktop! I’m trying to reconcile the natural nature of ebb and flow with my dislike of the ebb part. Oh well. And I have no idea what you’re getting at with that naughty wink. No idea whatsoever! 😉

  9. I love this wallpaper. Classy. Thanks for posting. And on the engagement with the fandom – I often feel it reflects my own moods as much as the changes in the fandom. Once I adjust to changes within (myself or fandom), I feel like sharing again.

    • Glad you like the wallpaper, Guylty! I think the engagement/lack of engagement thing is definitely a reflection of my mood in RL. I just need to find my balance again.

  10. Servetus

    Fandom w/o obligation 🙂 but you know, we’re all subscribed and hanging on your words and pictures.

    I have experienced changes in my attitude (as documented) but the intensity has not / is not fading. It is what it is — for each of us.

    • Yes! Thank goodness for the lack of obligation. I don’t think I could do this at all if I felt like I had to do it. I’ll get back to my more creative, has something to say self soon. In the mean time I just need to let myself be, without putting pressure on myself.

  11. katie70

    I spent about 1 1/2 years sitting in the background reading what everyone wrote, but to scared to comment. There where times I wanted to but just could not do so. Last August I said to heck with and did so. There are times when I am so busy I just read and that is it. I have never looked at Richard and asked why, I have not gotten to that point yet and may never. Take your time and share when you want to.

    I really like the wallpaper. Just last week I finally got brave to change my old wallpaper of Buckingham Palace to one of Richard in Spooks with Ros and Harry. Maybe next time all by himself.

    • That’s great that you finally got brave enough to make Richard your wallpaper!!! I can relate to the long term lurking. I got to the point where I said to heck with it as well, and not only started commenting on other people’s blogs, but started this one. It was one of those “in for a penny, in for a pound” kind of things. I’m sure I’ll have something to say soon, but in the meantime I’m just trying not to stress over it.

  12. Very lovely wallpaper, bravo ! 🙂

    Hope to “see” you soon. Hugs and take care. 🙂

  13. Pingback: Richard Armitage Legenda 80: Stuff worth reading | Me + Richard Armitage

  14. fitzg

    Happy you posted this, Jas. At the three-year point, neither do I feel like always commenting, while happily lurking on the excellent blog sites. From late 2010, there was so much to catch up on, a rather impressive body of work, and the discovery of – BLOGS! There is no ennui nor a lack of enthusiasm for the actor. Just much RL has also occupied much time and energy. And it has been lovely to see the more recent adherents’ blogs/comments.

    • Servetus

      I agree. Something like ten new blogs since Fanstravaganza 4 — the blogosphere will continue onward (as long as blogs continue. Someday they’ll go the way of the discussion board, no doubt …). It’s energizing!

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